Principles to Righting Your Marriage, continued. Check out the previous blog post for Principles 1-3.
4. Finding Grace
We seek the holy ground of forgiveness.
We seek wholeness in our brokenness.
We are at best sinful and broken, often coming into marriage with significant handicaps in relationships and bearing hurts from life’s experiences.
This is not only for those who come from a “dysfunctional home,” although that can exasperate it. But all of us have the dysfunction of sin, and we all live in a world that would rather run from the hard work required for a relationship that is deep and enduring.
So we work to forgive ourselves for making mistakes, and forgive those around us for hurting us, and we forgive the providential God we trust for allowing perpetrators to hurt us, even if this hurting was not His doing.
And in that forgiving we find ability to forgive the person that we live with.
Forgiveness is critical and important. Forgiveness is a journey to grace rather than a once-and-done experience. Thankfully, the journey can be beautiful.
5. Finding Harmony
A big blessing of marriage is teamwork. We will discuss this further, but for now ask yourself this:
Are you and your spouse agreed on where you are in the growth of your relationship? Can you be OK if your spouse has slower growth? Do you become impatient and unfeeling if you feel growth is too slow?
Harmony is not an automatic experience in relationships; instead, it is often learned early and painfully, and at multiple times.
So is the work of harmony worth it? Yes!
There is something sweet and bonding about harmony in a home. Harmony is not about seeing everything exactly the same. It is seeing God’s eternal loving and unchanging hand in even the hardest of circumstances.
We receive good times and flowers with the understanding that they wilt and quickly fade, but we also expect them to be replaced with new and beautiful growth. In marriage this “fading and growing” cycle is often not what we wished for or dreamed marriage would be, but it causes growth nonetheless.
Relationships can be crazy, and they can be a fun and enlightening experience if we purpose to love through it all.
We must see our spouse as our ally in the fight against selfishness. We must not see our spouse as an enforcement officer. We must not set “court dates” in our marriage where we figure out which partner is contributing the most.
Making sweet music and harmonious sounds in marriage comes from loving our spouse “in spite of what happens,” and not so much “because it is perfect.” Sometimes it can be both, but we need to feel like a team and pull together, but more on that later.
6. Finding Fulfillment
Holy Communion: private, close, and meaningful.
As humans we seek the best life has to offer. If we are looking for intimacy, doing it right will be better than approaching it half-heartedly. Many do not find the fulfillment and sexual pleasure they expected in marriage, especially at first. Good sexual times are a learned response, it is not as easy as falling off a stump.
Going into marriage we expect good sexual experiences, but seldom are we willing to pay the price of doing what it takes to really enjoy that. Lying prone and entangled is necessary for sex, and this is vulnerability at its best. Depending on your perspective, it is also vulnerability at its worst.
What is vulnerability?
Vulnerability is what makes intimacy truly fulfilling and sweet. It can also be awkward at times while we get used to being completely naked emotionally and physically. But we must remember that it is in complete surrender where we find the best in ourselves and each other.
Ask yourself what price you are willing to pay for really good and sweet intimate connection in your marriage. Naked souls speak volumes about naked bodies and our willingness to sacrifice for each other on the altar/crucible/bed of marriage.
Which word would you choose to describe this intimate form of Holy Communion?
Men often find it daunting to bare their souls, and women find it more difficult/uncomfortable to bare their bodies. Both are important to intimacy, because you can’t have the best of one without the best of the other.
Don’t forget that we are blessed according to how much we truly offer ourselves on the altar.
Vulnerability and baring our souls often looks scary, but that is partly why we created The Little Stone Cottage. Our goal is to create a romantic getaway where you can feel at peace to reconnect with your spouse. Contact us today to begin renewing your journey!